Last night, the kiddo went skateboarding with his best friend, we ordered some pizza and, when they got home, we decorated Christmas cookies after dinner.

As the evening was winding down, the kiddo had math homework and Jen got the urge to watch Sleepless in Seattle, strongly arguing its a Christmas movie because there’s that part where Meg Ryan sings Jingle Bells with “Harses, harses, harses” in the car.

So, we were on the beanbag wondering if some of the film locations were places our Seattle friends took us back in September, when the kiddo comes in frustrated that his math teacher gave him a ton of homework literally the day before he’s off for winter break. And he’s kinda going on strike and starts playing the piano and asking questions and observing that it’s a little stalker-y for Meg Ryan to go creepin around Tom Hanks house when they don’t know each other.

That’s actually a good point.

And it’s hard to inspire him to go back to his math homework when we’re both thinking its pretty shitty to have homework during “the most wonderful time of the year” and he’s leaving for the airport with his dad right from school the next day to start his vacation.

And then he says, “Oh yeah, guys, I wrote something today…”

He watched It’s a Wonderful Life in film class and his teacher gave a writing prompt:

What are you grateful for in your life? Why is your life truly wonderful? Write a letter to either yourself or someone who makes your life wonderful.

So he goes to his backpack and pulls out a paper and hands it to me.

Wait, you wrote this for me?

He asked me to read it out loud…but I better not cry.

I couldn’t even get through the first sentence before I started crying….

Dear Jaime,

Thank you for showing up in our lives. I am very grateful for you because you bring my mom joy. You make our family a lot stronger and introduce stability into our lives. Thank you for always being there for our family. Never once have you not helped someone in this family get through a hard time. You turned our home into a safe space where people can share their feelings without judgment. You treat my mom right which makes me feel happy because I believe my mom has needed a stable relationship like this for a long time. I’m grateful that I have a family that builds each other up and that supports each other. I am so lucky to be put in such an amazing, loving, and supporting family. I’m grateful that I have a safe space to share my feelings and thoughts. I have a truly wonderful life and I am grateful for our family because our family has the ability to make people feel at home. Thank you for choosing this family.

And by the end, Jen’s crying and my cheeks were soaked in tears.

I awkwardly pulled myself up off the beanbag so I could give him the biggest hug.

After that, there’s no way either of us could nudge him back into doing his math homework.

I haven’t had much time to process the feeling of it. I’ve never experienced any emotion quite like this…its a blend of humility, joy, gratitude, validation, appreciation, respect, and ooey-gooey melty heart “I’m so proud of you, kiddo” love…is this something parents feel?

When I first met Jen, I was really nervous learning she was a mom. That’s a lot of responsibility, a whole new level of commitment I’d be signing up for. We talked a little bit about it and she didn’t seem worried, that her mom-heart told her I would be a good fit. But, growing up, both of my parents got remarried, and I experienced first hand–two times– how challenging it is introducing a new adult into a kiddo’s life.

And now I was that adult…and, more than anything, I didn’t want to do anything that would make his life harder.

I asked my mom-friends what to do…I really liked Jen, but I was nervous and intimidated. What if her son doesn’t like me? What if I mess up his life? How do I even do this? Buy him stuff? Take him to Disneyland? Be like a fun bonus-adult who plays and hangs out with him?

My mom-friends told me there’s only ONE thing I have to do to earn his respect and trust: Love the shit out of his momma.

Everything else will fall into place. The best gift anyone could ever give a kiddo is getting to see his momma happy.

I was surprised how easy it was to fall in love with Jen and how organically I gave my heart so completely to the happiness and well-being of her son. They feel like my home. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. I feel so fucking blessed…and it made me smile when he thanked me for “choosing this family”, because the way I’ve always seen it is that they were the ones who actually found me.

And so it’s been milkshakes and homework and Roblox, roadtrips and sleepovers, and brutally open conversations around the dinner table about puberty and life and love and relationships and complicated people and bullies and stupid junior high and why things are the way they are…and now here we are, all three of us just feeling so spoiled with love from each other that none of us can think of anything else we want for Christmas.

When we asked him to write out his wish list this year, he literally said, “A black fitted hat…and I can’t think of anything else because I have everything I could ever possibly want.”

And after reading his letter, I understand the sentiment behind that actually has many layers…we are building this life together with a solid foundation: GRATITUDE.

I can’t help but think of the beautiful connection…Jen’s favorite holiday movie is Its a Wonderful Life. I’d actually never seen it before I met her. The first time we watched it together, I had to apologize because I had a lot of opinions about George Bailey’s bad choices and was barking at the tv the whole time like it was a football game. “What is he even doing?” That’s a terrible decision!”

But how amazing that her favorite movie inspired her favorite human to write a beautiful letter about his own wonderful life. And the best part about that letter is that it’s not even really about me…it’s about his incredible momma and how much he loves her happiness, it’s about the person he’s becoming and his values, it’s about the safety and love all three of us create together in our home.

Every single day, I am so proud of his kindness and wisdom and awareness and courage to stay open when most kids his age are starting to shut down. I don’t ever expect him to get me anything for Christmas, I’d rather he spend his money on something special for himself, but his words and his gratitude in that letter last night hold more value in my heart than any other tangible gift I have ever received or could ever receive in my lifetime.